What a week, it has been jammed packed finalising study, working and finishing a stage that was almost overdue; then bang, the weekend. I didn't have a deadline, or anything that I had to do. I had freedom of choice again, and that got me adrift! What did I end up doing? Going into the office to make sure the project didn't run over time, and came home to clean house, cook a fabulous dinner for 1 and watch two thought provoking movies.
While it was good to have choice, it also felt weird after a few weeks of 'must get this done' urgency and lots of weekend study and late nights. To do added value to life, and self care was a weird feeling. Then, to wake up on Sunday knowing it was Mother's Day and all that it inherently brings up for me. So, Sunday was mixed up, and charged. What WAS I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF??? As it was I stayed in my PJs till about 1.30, showered and went to the library. With a good dose of pondering questions, a dose of self pity and big dose of wanting to breakthrough the frump that I had found myself in.
Was this a sabotage, or an opportunity. Well, that is the first question isn't it? It depends how we choose to interpret things. For me, the frump was the perfect thing to feel so I could explore the ideas of what I felt I was missing, why and what was I going to do about it??? This is the big one. We all have choices. More so as adults. We choose what we see, focus on and feel about things, people and feelings?
In the library on my quest for considered inspiration, I came across a chapter in a book, its abstract is here....
"The most secure prisons are those we construct for ourselves
When we think about loss of freedom, we seldom focus on the ways in which we voluntarily impose constraints upon our lives. Everything we are afraid to try, all our unfulfilled dreams, constitute a limitation on what we are and could become. Usually it is fear and its close cousin, anxiety, that keep us from doing those things that would make us happy. so much of our lives consists of broken promises to ourselves. the things we long to do - educate ourselves, become successful in our work, fall in love - are goals shared by all. Nor are the means to achieve these things obscure. and yet, we often do not do what is necessary to become the people we want to be. ......
We do not like to think of ourselves as trapped. This is, afterall, the land of opportunity. We are surrounded by images of success. our culture presents us constantly with stories of people who rose from obscurity to fame, often with limited talent. Rather than take hope from these stores, most people absorb them as additional indications of their own inadequacy. We are also confused and put off by the apparent ease with which these transformations occur. the slowness with which productive change actually takes place does not play well in the impatient society. Where do we find the determination and patience required to achieve the things we want?"
Taken from Gordon Livingston Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart (2004)
The message I am endeavouring to put to you, is that if you want something, it is essential to first have an inkling to know what, then act. Nothing new, I know, but think about this:
Change is not easy, real change takes inner reflection, a lot of courage and determination to move in directions which may take you away from your current comfort zone, friends, family or what you know. This is serious stuff, but at the end of the day, it is your life, and your choices.
Start by looking at what you can control - your thoughts, and what you do to your body. Even this can be scary and confronting. You are in charge of what you do, what you put in your body, on your body, and what you think, but you might need help. It is ok not to know, or have confidence to make the changes needed. You might not have the skill of how to fine tune your choices to your body, or to dive into the messages of your body, this is perfectly ok. This is what we have professionals for.
If you want to make change, it is about owning this thought, and then asking for the help to bring it together. It is a smart person who grows into what they want to be and courage to complete the transformation. Is this You? After all, it might only take a few tweaks or insights to shift the linkpin that is keeping you were you are, and if it is as simple as that, why wait for things to get bigger or harder?
Want help, then ask :)
MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: Any significant health change takes time to heal. Quick changes are possible, but not the norm. Please be prepared to allow the process time to transform, heal and calibrate over time and not overnight.
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