How are you feeling? Half way and you are doing swimmingly! You have more courage than you realise, and you accepted this opportunity to reclaim who and what you truly are.
I appreciate it can be really difficult at times to see our deepest selves, hidden under so many layers of living, thoughts, beliefs, unmet needs, expectations, hurts, etc., but you are there, your truest, deepest self is never changing. You, at your core is love, and light, and even if you can't see it easily, others can feel it.
No joke, it took me years to really feel love. I felt a version of it with my kids, i felt it in a different level with a lover, and it wasn't for another 10 years that I felt true, real love for me. You may have heard parts or all of my story, but it is just that a story told to help explain or justify what happened and why they happened. Is it true? Parts are I was born into a family of 4 other siblings older than me, parents who struggled emotionally, economically, socially and yet gave me the perfect foundation environment to become who I am today. Did I like it, or appreciate it for this at the time? NO WAY!!!! The story is pretty heavily laced with blame, anger, resentment, guilt, you name it pretty much all the heavy negative emotions where their and only become more ingrained when I married too young.
The rest of the story is another huge chapter, but let me give the short version. I was 'pushed' or so it felt to look at my stuff, why I was thinking and being in ways my then husband didn't like. It was actually the biggest blessing that he did, but it also brought everything up to a head and as I moved through the surface layers and deep lava bubbling away under them, my entire life and values were challenged. Let me say I am not the person I was 20 odd years ago. To be honest thank God, and him for being so relentless with what I saw as bullying. I had to learn a lot about myself, be brutally honest with myself and what I had created from inherited beliefs and pains and get really, really real!
3 life attempts later, divorce, losing contact with my children has enabled me to come closer to spirit and truth than if I had of stayed and bowed down to what was going on. Talk about clarity wow!!! My children are coming around again, now they are adults themselves, and I learnt painful truths, the power of forgiveness and letting go. I suppose I can put my hand up and say I have empathy for what you might be experiencing. Hang in there, you have committed to a fast track and it is understandable for things to be rocky, but you are doing a fantastic job to be here. Just hold onto the coattails of others in the group. Reach out to other professional healers that work with energy and ether work, the transformations happen so, so much faster that way.
Remember too to be diligent with your self care, it is now more than ever to show yourself love and compassion just as you would to a friend or loved one going through what you are feeling. The younger you is calling out for acknowledgement and love. She is likely to be behaving like a 2 year old or a young person who is feeling really unsettled and needs a hug, reassurance and someone to just hold them to calm them and to give reassurance. This is your responsibility your are the adult to this child, but ask for help to develop the skills and knowledge of how if you need help. You don't need to do it alone, the group is there for you, and there are many healers who are willing to support you through the really tough spots.
Week 6 companion journal
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