Forgiveness I think is one of the hardest things to do, besides parenting. Forgiveness asks us to reach the point of understanding, tolerance and appreciation for the other person's point of view. Not an easy feat when we are hurting badly at the hand of someone else's choices.
Holding on and not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Resentment and heavy emotions are toxic, lowers your energetic vibration and changes body function.
DownI will challenge you on this point. Everyone, even yourself act from a place of your past experiences, the way you see life, your beliefs and what is important to you. These are your truths, the way you live your life. You want others to respect your choices and see your point of view. You, and only you are responsible for what you think, say and do. How you react or respond and it is your responsibility to make conscious choices from a place awareness of what you are doing. Autopilot will happen, and in the early phase of change, that is all we act from - doing what we have always thought, said and done. But, so has everyone else.
As we start to become more aware, we need to own our 'stuff' check through what we think, say and do and see if they are things we choose to think, say and do, and use them wisely. We are in control of how we react or respond, how we feel and what we choose to hold onto.
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When I started to look at my own stuff, I was in a very unhappy place and it took me years to see to accept the facts that what I was living was my version of the reality and others in my life, (that I was blaming) were acting from their version of truth. It took some time still to get to the place of fulling forgiving and in fact thanking them for the pain they triggered in me. See how I used the word triggered? They didn't cause my pain, they were only acting from their truth, based on their beliefs etc what the problem was our beliefs didn't match and I my expectations were not being met. The truth was that my needs were not going to be met from that person, ever!!
I had a choices to make. See their point of view, respect their choices (even if they didn't suit me) and work towards a workable solution.
At times it was walking away, others it was about saying sorry, others about agreeing to go along with their idea when it was a good one. Alternatively I could have just held onto my beliefs and what I wanted and made things worse and get sicker. The biggest part of the change was I needed to forgive myself for being part of the problem, and my needs were greater than he was able to work with. My issues are mine, his are his and our is what we bring to the relationship to negotiate through.
Relationships are as the word suggests is "The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected" Oxford Dictionary .
To work out what to forgive look the statement 'Should have' all our should's in life suggest our expectations of ourselves were not being met, and this is a great place to start. Forgiving ourselves for the stuff ups, the 'bad decisions', being ignorant at the time, etc. We were only acting from the understanding and insight we had at the time. We really didn't have all the resources to make a different choice. Even if we 'knew' better, there would have a been a bigger fear making us do what we did. Give yourself some slack and work on letting it go. It is done, and holding onto it is holding you in that space in time. Start with the easier ones, and get help to work though the big ones. Now you have the opportunity to live in a way that is authentic to you and what you choose for you. There is no right or wrong, and it may take a few trial and error moments to fine tune your values and beliefs that are turned into actions, and deeds.
You are aware EFT, now let's do the Forgiveness Mantra. It is simple in nature, but so very profound. Are you ready? Download the Activity Sheet