An interesting question, that cames to me this morning, and while we have previously spoken of habits and rituals, this one asks what do you do to help you come back to yourself, to calm, ground and keep you feeling safe?
For me, I am finding the ritual of making coffee in the morning. The process requires several touchpoints because I use an Italian percolator for the stove. It needs water, ground beans, and then screwing the gadget back together before lighting the fire. I find this, sometimes more than the pleasure of drinking the coffee to be even more powerful.
Another one is cleaning, and when I get to this point I know there are some big things coming up.
Rituals others use include the obvious - exercise, meditation, bathing, gardening, sitting in nature, cooking, etc. But, what are some of yours?
What are your go-to actions that help you come back to a state of neutral?
For some, this may seem ego-centric, to look after our own sanity and be protective of it, but, what happens when we continue to give to others from an empty vessel that is literally being wrung dry?
Not a lot can happen, and we run the risk of cracking under the pressure of being wrung out to get the last drops out of us. Now, is the time to reassess what you need to look after you. To know how to re-centre, recalibrate, to calm your nervous system down again so you can function easier and more completely than not.
Other powerful things that you can do are:
If you want more support or structured activities, ReclaimME! Spring Clean walk you through all the activities and techniques we have explored over the last 12 weeks.
Full of mindfulness exercises that help you to focus on what is really going on for you in the moment so you can identify easier the historic reason of what, how and why you believe, feel and react the way you do. Heal these and life gets easier!!
Recently we celebrated ANZAC day, a very important day in our history. On this day, we celebrate with respect, honor and thanks to those who died in the World Wars. If you haven't experienced the power of such a day first hand, maybe you can imagine it.
We recognise the reasons behind the war - to protect our loved ones from risk, and potential death. On this day we acknowledge the many who literally laid down their life to ensure the safety for others against some of the worst fears.
At the moment, we could equate the current situation to a war against an unknown. At least in the other Wars, we knew exactly which country we engaged with, their philosophies, their principles etc and why they were fighting.
We were able to identify with something but in the current situation war is a lot more insidious, and in many ways an unknown. We can't actually see it, feel it, touch it. We are experiencing the social, economic and health impacts, but, we don't actually see 'it'.
We are required to respond in a very different way. The threat of the virus.
There's a few ways we could explore the situation and relate it to the physical wars of past.
Change, is the movement from where one is now, to where we would like, need or choose to be, but why is it so hard?
It depends on the individual, the reason, and why change is needed. At time, with disease it is important to change. Or if parts of our life are not 'working', then change is needed somewhere to create the parts more in alignment with the desired outcome.
But, and this is a big but! For a person who has not previous experience of what it feels like in the 'new' state, for instance having energy and feeling fit or happy, content relationships, or sense of security or peace and we tell these people it can be quite daunting for them, a fair amount of resistance is given. Why?
That answer if simple - we are asking, expecting or telling them to do, be or have something that is foreign, or scary or if they have previous trauma too confronting to take the steps to create change.
I have witnessed this first hand. In my growth phase and not knowing what it felt like to be content, loved, or secure. When working with people in the justice 'system', listening to their experiences and why they were so cautious about being helped; and recently listening to experiences of domestic violence trauma where now, even sleeping is difficult because the needed to learn hypervigilance to self-protect.
• If change is in our best interest, but we don't understand what it feels like, then there is resistance.
• If we are forced to change as in a disease, then the unknown is scary, confronting, and people are forced to address bigger issues about themselves and what their life habits mean.
• If one chooses to change, but has no idea of how or what to do, and have been previously repressed, then the slow approach may be needed with a lot more support and encouragement.
• Above all, seeing people where they are at. Choosing tools that work in the moment and with the person involved.
• Integrating change from the entry point needed by the individual - nutrition, support therapy or even deep diving into belief change methods.
• If you are looking to make significant changes in our health and wellbeing, then reach out. Options are varied to your need and circumstances and a quick chat can help you identify if I can support you through your next phase.
To book this quick chat, please do so here www.reclaimme.as.me/goodfit
Change, what is it, and how do we create it?
By definition, change to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/change)
All of us, constantly create change. We get up and change from being asleep, laying down etc. We create change when we do anything. Habits create familiar, predictable changes in our state and routine to match what we have agreed to experience in our life. The routine, the known, familiar, expected actions that make up life.
I want to challenge you though.....
Words have a vibrational power to change your world. How?
The thought behind the word changes your body chemistry.
As simple as black and white. For many, each has a different feeling; black dark and heavy, white light and expansive.
Love, Joy, Peace infer a calmness and excitement which raises our vibration.
Sadness, disconnect, loneliness feel and therefore change our body chemistry to denser, heavier and likely depressed/compressed body reactions.
To heal, live life more fully and creatively, lighter, expansive feelings create the space for this to happen.
Your thoughts, create the vibe that goes out into the world, drawing to you experiences that match or a similar.
Now, you have choice. You and entirely you have the ability to control your thoughts. As you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings and action, you are given the gift of conscious change - what do you want to feel, be and have?
How, in the moment to you cut off so to speak and redirect the heavy memories, feelings, fears, etc.
* Thank them for bring your attention to something that wants to be healed.
* Tell the feeling that the adult you does have this under control and you CHOOSE to be in the moment and see, feel and be the positive aspect of the situation - choose the silver lining component, the blessing in disguise etc.
* Breathe deeply refocus in the now. Literally in that second to second moment and consciously see, feel and be the silver lining.
* Step into the positive power this provides. Own it and continue doing what you are doing with conscious, chosen, empowered choices fr feeling, action and response.
It gets easier with practice and yes, if you feel the past has a massive hold over you, support will benefit.
Believe it or not, life doesn't write its self. Life is created by what we believe, think, feel, do.
Life is created by the micro choices and how we interpret life's interplay with others.
I hear you say "But I didn't create this or that" No, you didn't create all physical events as many are natural events - the weather the fires etc. What you do create is the meanings and perceptions and actions and this = that statements that determine your feelings and actions thereafter.
As individuals, we only have control over ourselves, but do we?
How do we control the knee jerk reactions that seem so out of character?
Our habits that don't quite make sense or even counterintuitive?
Preconceived ideals we never questioned because they came from trusted adults while we were growing up?
Fears that keep us from reaching out, offering support to another because they might reject it.
These are the life we create from, and so many more.
Can you imagine creating from the other end of the scale?
Confidence, awareness, compassion consideration, knowing?
Creating with positive, excited possibility!
It is possible, because this has been my experience and that of many clients.
Doing the inner healing, transforming limiting beliefs into empowering ones.
Flipping feeling small, insignificant and unimportant inti worthy, lovable and able to 'stand tall'
What comes from this is entirely what you want to choose. You take back, Reclaim the parts of yourself that have been hiding or given to others to have power over you.
Is now Your Time? To Reclaim Yourself so you can Create Your life on Your Terms?
I think it is, because you are worth it!!
Reach out and lets kickstart the next transformation.
Growth happens at the edge of our comfort zone, results in creating a difference either in the way we feel, see things, be or have.
Think about this :)
Children's physical growth pushes the skin, bones, muscles etc to go beyond their current shell.
Mental growth as in learning a new skill and knowledge comes when we learn new things outside our current understanding.
Emotional growth occurs when we step beyond our comfort zone, meet and greet our shadow side of our emotions that are asking to come into the light.
The general consensus of growth is - change, strength, maturing into our fuller potential.
Is it easy? Usually not :(
Most of us need to explore, contemplate, give things a go, practice, hurt, fall over, get things wrong and with time and persistence things start to come to fall into place. The lessons and life start to become second nature.
We become more comfortable with our lanky limbs as our torso catches up after the growth spurt; We apply the new maths, English and formulas from our classes; we become more comfortable with the person we become.
But, what happens when our emotional side is stunted? If we are not able to experience the lessons needed because our role models didn't know better and their emotional growth was also stunted? If we were bullied and so shut down, or fear kept us stuck in the past?
This is where many of us become really stuck. Our body and mind grow, but our emotional growth is stunted, and often parts of our psyche remain stuck in our childhood. The result? Big kids in adult bodies floundering, wanting things to be and feel different, but without teachers or role models to guide the maturation process really not moving forward in healthy ways.
Interestingly, it seems, this emotional growth is the hardest type of growth to accomplish in life. Our society we don't have an emotional curriculum in school or social circles, we don't have initiation services to re-inforce and celebrate a teen's emotional and mental status. Most of us are floundering around hoping for the best. and it is our responsibility to seek out guidance, help and reassurance when we hit our next emotional growth spurt (and there are many during our stages of life. But, in a world with Mental Health stigma, an attitude of 'It will be right mate', or 'Just get on with it, pull up your big girl/boy pants and get over it' really doesn't help.
The tide is turning, thankfully, but, there is a long way to go in creating social change to truly support the three-four generations that are living during this time. The younger ones will be still influenced by Parents, Grandparents, peers, social influences. The Elders may not appreciate the changes, and struggle with the new supports available, more so since their beliefs are about 'Getting on with it, and not being a wuss'.
How can we break the cycles? By supporting as many as possible with deep, energetic change at the belief and DNA level.
The massive impact this has in raising one's self worth, abilities, and raising the bar to healthier emotional levels has far-reaching effects. Yes, it does still result in unsettling moments, but so does civil unrest, family disagreements and the like. Which is a healthier, outcome? Positive change or remaining stuck in the past pains and limiting beliefs?
If you are ready to work through your next emotional growth spurt, and want support, guidance and learn tools to make the process easier, consider the deep and comprehensive work offered at Steps to Change, and book a chat session to see what the healing options available for you. It really could be life changing not only for you but your family, your career and your future.
I will confess, at the beginning fo my life change journey, some 20 years ago, I was a thorn, seeing person. My justification still holds true, I was witness to negative role models with abusive tendencies. Growing up it shaped what I saw, felt and thought was normal.
Fast forward to being married and starting to look around at what happy marriages and adults look like. Reality check :( What I saw in myself and what I desired was a huge chasm, and the beginnings of deep rumblings.
I learnt. I explored. I forced myself to see the dark side
Our brain, that structure that sits in our skull, made up of cholesterol based casings around our neurons. The part of our body which we generally equate to the computer, the decision making and control centres of the body. Within this system, there is the autonomic - automatic and the makes things happen with out thinking; sympathetic, which has more conscious control - feel pain > move hand; enteric system is the internal decision of the digestive system to ensure an efficient and tight function of digestion.
The other way we talk about our 'brain' is its division of conscious and unconscious mind. There are some really big differences between the two parts. This article is going to broadly discuss
The conscious brain can be thought of your immediate awareness at any point in the day. For instance, if you bring your attention to a sound, a touch or thought, parts of your brain are fired up.
You conscious mind also tends to do what you ask it to do, which is primarily directed by your unconscious mind.
The Unconscious Mind
It is thought, the unconscious mind hears, sees, and feels everything, so what ever you come into contact with, your unconscious mind is aware at a very deep level what is going on. The conscious brain however, is only able to concentrate on a few points at any one time, but if given instruction or a specific request to pay attention to the smaller details we sense, the brain can access this information.
There are a 'points or rules' of the unconscious mind, which when understand it is possible to harness the unconscious to our betterment and heal our world as we see it.
Author of 4 books;