I will confess, at the beginning fo my life change journey, some 20 years ago, I was a thorn, seeing person. My justification still holds true, I was witness to negative role models with abusive tendencies. Growing up it shaped what I saw, felt and thought was normal.
Fast forward to being married and starting to look around at what happy marriages and adults look like. Reality check :( What I saw in myself and what I desired was a huge chasm, and the beginnings of deep rumblings.
I learnt. I explored. I forced myself to see the dark side
of my heart. The shadow side came out more because it was given permission too.
This time I had determination, stamina, support, resources. If I needed to live, If I wanted my kids to respect me again, I HAD to be the person I was proud of and I was destined to be.
Years of self-exploration, study, practice, falling over, dusting off, and having another go. Going around the cycles of change so many times, it seemed to be making me dizzy. I got tired, overwhelmed, frustrated as each new layer came up to be looked at, healed and forgiven.
I often felt I was in the shoreline waves during a storm. Relentless crashing waves of emotions and character checking situations.
It took a lot of self compassion, hiding, self care, exploration of my parts to make sense of where I fitted in. Shame, fear and struggle were my regular companions.
With time, I got stronger, clearer, more resilient. My self muscle found its place in the world and now, it is stronger than ever. It is not quite the Miss universe level, but I will say I am quite proud and content to sit at this level before the next growth patch starts in the next few weeks.
I really couldn't have come this far on my one, and the biggest differences, well maybe the biggest polishers were participating in Angel healing with Karen Jayne and qualifying as an RTT Practitioner this year.
I see the changes in myself and in my clients as they deep dive into their parts of shadow self to heal and bring these parts into the light to heal, forgive and let go. My journey is now a blessing not only to myself but to others who choose to work with me. and this is a huge blessing to me. I hear it from my readers, from nutrition clients who are supported physically, and with those who engage in shadow work and the ReclaimME! programs. My healing is becoming their healing, and this is what it is about.
Author of 4 books;