What is it we are afraid of? It is success, or failure and according to who's definition of either are you comparing yourself to? Is it about achieving things you thought you were not entitled to, or worth of? With New Years heading firmly into being 2017, what is the goals you set out to achieve in the last days of 2016, leading into 2017. What were you vowing to do differently? For many it is to eat, move, behave, think, relate, spend, travel, relax or learn. Then, reality kicks in. Summer is hot, and it is easier to enjoy the ice cream, soft drink, easy meals of take away and laze around. The kids are still on holidays, and so the atmosphere of kicking resolutions is a challenge.
Often, the underlying reasons for not go for the resolutions is a fear of not achieving the stated goal, being shown up, (in our own minds, if not by others) of not doing it again. The fear of missing out, or needing to learn new habits; sweat it out, or even just to get up that little bit earlier to fit things in. What is the greater fear though, to make changes and give up habits and comforts that are not supporting your growth and dreams, or the fear of showing up again as not following through?
Fear is a learnt response from years of situations challenging the ego's perceptions of what 'should' be and most of the fear we feel in life is simply anxiety arising from our anticipation of two kinds of pain that change might bring....
the pain associated with loss or hardship" Brendon BurchardThankfully there are no 'shoulds', or 'musts' in life, but a sequence of choices that moves you to, away or to stay put in the situation one is in.
The sense or fear of loss is a thought pattern. We become concerned we will lose something we enjoy or value if we make the changes needed to achieve the stated goal. It is a thought pattern that plays out in millions of subtle decisions throughout people's lives.
If you fear :
Do any of these resonate with you? Can you substitute situations or words that are potentially holding you back and keeping you small, trapped or limited in situations or relationships that are not serving you any more? Is it time to be honest with yourself and with those it potentially impacts?
Getting real and honest with yourself takes a lot of self care,self respect and courage. When we ignore our own truths, we are ultimately lying to ourselves, and showing others we will tolerate being treated. If this is ok with you then great, but from experience, there are not many who are totally content with all aspects of their lives and are choosing to settle and allow self neglect to start take over.
How does one move through from ignorance, denial and avoidance to insight, choice and action? It takes times, a willingness to be totally honest and be ok with whatever is likely to come up. To closely analyse your thought patterns around change, and commitment to change, then reverse it. Once we become aware of the reasons why are anticipate loss, it is important to question whether or not it is true.
The more we look for evidence of our fears, the more we realise they are ofen faulty, quick assumptions of atired or undirecterd mind.......Brendon BurchardI am going to hazard a guess if you explore or examine the fear of dieting, quitting a bad habit or leaving a bad relationship you will realise there is always less to lose than to gain in making healthy decisions for. You may feel there are some embarrassing, shameful, unreal, surprising, but also likely to be some understandable and awe inspiring reasons why you are avoiding the responsibility of change. Desire to attain your chosen goal is not enough, but unshackling your attachment to the chains of fear and the limitations of keeping your self comfortable to continuing to do what you are doing.
With out awareness from this type of exploration and willingness to own your beliefs, rationals, fears running your choices, things will not easily change, if at all. You are likely to remain stuck, going around in circles until you take courage to face up and release the hold the irrational fears have over your choices. Awareness is ultimately the first step, action and release work is essential.
Once we recognise the assumptions we hold triggering the anxiety, we can then flip them and explore the opposite. Seeing and then focusing as obsessively as possible on the gains we will have with the resolved changes. What if you begin the new diet and find new foods and recipes we love? What if the pains that are stopping me from walking easily go away? What if I can start to eat my favorite foods again when I have figured out they were not the problem, but some thing else was?What if we quite smoking and learn new methods of even greater relaxation? What if, in a new romantic relationship, we finally find joy?
It is wise to visualise these outcomes as much as we visualise the sense of loss.
If you feel you are stuck or overwhelming emotions are surfacing, then it is is really time to let things go. You may well benefit with release work to access the block that is keeping the fear and limitation in place stronger than your ability to move forward. If this is the case for you, then book your Guided Health Meditation Session, or reach out to therapists you trust, or even consider doing courses as provided in Mindvalley.com. I have used several of their programs and magic really does happen.
Remember, what the mind can conceive it will do what is in its power to deliver. The universe with conspire with you on what you focus, so become super clear of what you are focusing on and why, and you will get there so much faster.
Author of 4 books;