Friday afternoon, in Crete, Greece. The breeze is gentle, the atmosphere is relaxed and light. It is not quite one week in my mid life reset adventure, and it feels like it!! My body has coped a hiding from the travel, and new foods (I can react to several foods, and hyper sensitive to gluten, and cow milk, and spices. Great when travel foods are all these, unless one is lucky).
Few people know my true reasons for leaving the land of the down under where mighty rule the space. No, that is not quite true, it is an illusion, a power I have given to some people I know. It is more about the fact that over the years, I have allowed myself to dwindle away from the determined, independent, yet equally fiercely insecure person I was to a person where the insecure part increased and the independence dwindled. I noticed this early on, but my stigma and beliefs held me in the space of limitation, unhealthy relationships and 'following the rules'.
Over time, the need to re-balance of internal power become true strong. I had exploited my self views and associated with people who easily and willingly mirrored my fears. I knew on a deep level I needed to take back my shadow parts and reclaim my true self - love. It has been a long and painful journey, but one that was needed to live and experience, or die. Yes, that dramatic.
I have spoken with many people over the last couple of months of this journey, I made the decision and booked flights in February this year. The resounding feedback is "WOW, that is so courageous I admire what you are doing. Is this what I thought when I booked, yes and no. The entire trip by design a "where the wind may take me" experience booking only a few days ahead or even on the day. Brave, incredible or down right silly. Possibly all of these things all round into one. I am choosing to see the part of me again that can do anything, make things happen and be ok with the choices being made.
Every second is a choice. "Do I do this or that? " Choosing to not make a choice and allowing others to decide is a choice to hand over one's power to another. Be careful with whom you play this game with, as they may be more adept of looking after their own needs than you are and by default you fall into the ideals of another, and a puppet for them to play with.
I was speaking with a sales consultant for a holiday time share, as one has time for when on holiday, and the guy couldn't get a handle in where to slot me into the spiel, after all I am living most people's dream they are selling. I do, by choice work a few days a week, I have closed shop for three months, when at home I live on the beach and do as I choose more often than not. Was this luck, was it define fault, was it even conscious? I will say, a lot has been choice.
I don't want a lot, and fought for this type of a lifestyle, one that goes against the popular perception of house, car holidays, oh and don't forget the endless happy smiley moments with family and abundance of friends chucked in. It isn't a new argument that social media has a lot to answer to, but one needs to consider where did these popular thoughts actually come from, our parents and the propaganda of our forefathers, media employed to 'sell' the image the companies wanted us to buy into to sell their product. This too is not a new topic and I have spoken of it before, it is after all a rebellion trigger to what I am now doing. See I too got caught up in the ought tos of living, I ought to have a family that totally adore and love me, (I am sure they do, but it is buried in their fear and uncertainty) I ought to have a uber multi-million dollar producing business so I can sit at the beach when I choose, Oh, right I do that now.
It has taken me some time to remember to be true to me. Do I need to be color co-ordinated to leave the house, or cleaning presentable in comfortable clothes? Must I behave a certain way and work 6 days a week, create funnels and tell people they are not doing things right for their health if they are not doing A, B, or even C?
I don't think so. I have left for a three month, reset adventure which in truth started last Thursday. Since, which is only 1 week I have traveled, 1673 km in three days in Australia, then, hoped on the plane for another 15, 180 to arrive at my current location in Crete. Thankfully, I didn't need to drive the entire way, but when considering what it does to our body, one can sit back and just go wow!
What have these revelations got to do with anyone? To be honest, not sure, as we each make our own choices based on our own beliefs and values, my had become blurred and skewed from what was important, so I chose to reclaim and to me at the time seemed the best way to do it. What is yours though is for you to work out. Are you happy and if not why not, what is out of balance, what is it you are OK with to enable the bigger picture of love and life to occur? What changes in your perception, attitude, behavior, habits etc can be altered or tweaked to bring things back in order. Seeking help from a trusted and experienced support person is vital to help see through the fog that we create.
For me, I had moved too far into the forest, with fog so deep not to see easily. As a result I have left the space and things immediately started to change. I am feeling somewhat better in my mind, I have a laissez faire confidence which has opened up conversations with people at home in ways I didn't think was possible. I am finding here while talking with people they are in the same boat, which is somewhat comforting, and it is also prompting me to think one reason why I needed to leave was not to rescue myself, but to help those with whom I talk with as suggested by my counselor as to what might actually happen. So, the question then arises, am I being selfish by doing something i want/needed to do, or have I been called to help others while helping myself? Afterall, in all things the physics of cause and effect happen, and it is possible as each of reclaim more of our true selves not only do we provide the space for others to do the same, by example, but also by default give other the courage to consider another way of doing, of living.
(By the way, I didn't buy into the time share I was being 'sold' to. It worked out I made a good decision all those years ago and have a better deal. Another message this week that I have been and still are on the right path, even if it was covered in mud at the time. :)
"You cannot become who you want to become by only doing what you want to do. Don't do only what you feel like doing. Ambitiously tackle whatever's required to move toward what you aspire to" Scott Niolett
If any or all of this has started you to think, then consider purchasing the Awareness and Accountability Journal I created while undergoing serious transformation. It encapsulate a mirage of ideas and questions created over time to help me gain clarity. It has been used by my clients in a variety of ways, and it may just help you too. Interested? Find out more here. It might help you get where you would rather be :)
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