We all have ideas, beliefs and values; at some time in our life it is invaluable to consider whose they really belong to. If we blindly stay on auto-pilot, it is quite possible we are going to live someone else's destiny and following the wrong flight plan.
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How does this happen? It is quite simple really. We inherit our genes from parents. Nothing new here. What is a newer consideration is our Grandmother makes the female portion of us. How? Our mother's eggs are made by her mother, our Grandmothers. Sit with this thought for a bit.  What was our Grandparents' life really like? What were the ideologies, beliefs and values of the time; access to resource, wisdoms experiences etc.? Consider where and how these embedded beliefs are playing out in your thoughts now. This is a real example of Auto-pilot. How about your parents? Not only what happened in their home and social experiences, but what were their actual interpretations of life around your conception, and through your childhood.

Anyone can embed ideas into our thinking, if we allow it. Impressions from parents, school, peers, work, colleagues, society, culture etc., all have the power to change our deepest held values, especially in hurtful, stressful situations. 

Consider too, from a sociological view, each generation has a theme, baby boomers, free love, techno etc. The era in which we were exposed to also creates a view of what life could, should, might be like. Naturally, there is an opposite side to all of these things. 

Self care, for me, personally goes way beyond looking after body or treating myself. These actions really do feel good and are important, but the deeper level of self care for me is about knowing myself and clearly stating who I are and what I believe. The more attention I have given to sifting through my own beliefs, ideologies etc the easier it has been to like and love myself, and therefore less need from others affection or attention to make myself feel good.  

There was a time in my life when I figured I either had to get real or get out. Show up or go home, whatever catchphrase you want to use. I had, unknowingly taken on a lot of negative, self abating thoughts from quite a few people. The result was I didn't like, let alone love myself, and I really didn't like who I was. I didn't know how to let people in, and really felt that unimportant.  

Fortunately, psychology is starting to talk about the idea that "Until we know ourselves and accept ourselves, know what works for us in a good way we are inclined to go with the flow, allow others do things that we would rather not do, and tend to seek the fillers to the gaps we have in ourselves."  When we know what our own gaps are, and learn to fill them ourselves, we become more empowered. It is easier to say no and mean it, set healthy boundaries and not feel the need to engage in questionable or dangerous behaviour to fit in. We basically look after ourselves and engage with others in healthier, truer ways. Am I there yet? No but I am certainly further down the line that I was.

How is it possible to create this clarity? Start studying the greats, look at all things you think, feel, do and experience in life as a third party observer and start playing with investigative questions.